How To Ask Your Partner For A Threesome
One, Two, Three’s a charm! In some cases more than others. Maybe you and your partner both saw someone that you were attracted too and thought to invite them into your bedroom space. Maybe you spontaneously fell into the conversation about spicing things up in the bedroom. Regardless, how exactly do you have this conversation with your partner? I mean seriously. Here are some tips on how to ask your partner for someone to join your bedroom space
Know And Understand Your Partner
Prior to the conversation about a new potential bedroom buddy, you should already have some idea around your partners past relationship traumas, former sex experiences, and their sexual boundaries. If your partner has expressed to you that that they’ve had a bad experience with threesomes it may throw them off a bit that you would ask for one knowing their past. Have the conversation with them about what they enjoy in the bedroom, what they want to explore, and what are absolute deal breakers.
2. Ask Hypothetically
Okay so this next one may seem a little calculated but it could work! Plan some alone time with your partner for an indoor game night, picnic, or somewhere you will both be alone and uninterrupted. Get a stack of empty note cards and write out questions for you and your partner to ask one another. On one of the cards include the question “How would you feel about us having a threesome?”. This way the question won’t be singled out, or appear at random if you just come out the blue and ask your partner. Make sure the rest of the questions are kind of spicy and in alignment with this question so it’s not the outlier.
3. Take the BDSM Test And Share Your Results
BDSM, which stands for Bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism, may not directly tie into threesomes but it could be a segway into conversation exploring kinks and sexual interests that you and your partner might not have talked about before. Let’s say your partner ranks pretty highly as a voyeur on the bdsm test, someone who gets sexual gratification from watching others during sex or sex acts, which may prompt questions such as “How would you feel watching me have sex with you and someone else?” or “When you masturbate do you imagine me and you having sex? Or me having sex with someone else?” They may sound like silly questions to some, but to others its very intriguing and the conversation will naturally guide itself. Take the BDSM test today at bdsmtest.org
4. Discuss Porn Categories You Both Watch
You may be surprised that your partner goes to their search bar on their favorite porn site and watches threesomes but you’ll never know until you discuss it. Typically the type of porn someone watches aligns with their sexual desires. If they’ve never watched a threesome scene, maybe suggest that you watch a video together and discuss what feelings were aroused afterwards.
Communication Is Key
Notice how in every suggestion above I mentioned talking with your partner. Communication is vital when discussing new explorations and even if you’ve done this before, conversation still needs to be had for check in purposes to see how your partner is feeling.
My Partner Said Yes!
If you get a sounding yes to having a threesome then start to discuss what boundaries you all would have. Would you both remain friends with this individual? Are one on one sex acts prohibited after the threesome takes place? If you have a threesome with someone, is it going to be a one time thing with the same person? Or do you all want to explore new people each time? Start to think about what that would look like for your relationship and it’s also okay to just make this a one and done situation. Just because you agree to a threesome once doesn’t mean you all have to do them all the time. One important factor to remember is that this is solely for fun and to spice things up a bit so no one should be getting too attached, but on the other side of that token, you don’t have to treat the third party like a throw away or disrespect them just because the sex part is over.
If Your Partner Says No…
Maybe you’ve tried tips from this article or other suggestions from people you know and your partner still said no. That’s okay, do not force the situation. That can cause issues to the relationship and if there was even a glimpse of hope for the future you may have now tainted the experience by forcing the issue. Initially, your partner may so no, but once they marinate on it, maybe talk over it with close friends, and process the information they may come around. But if they do not, accept that your partner is not interested and discuss other fun ways to spice up your relationship.
Threesome No-No’s
I’m no relationship coach, or professional therapist but I do have a P.H.D. in common sense. If your partner has similar characteristics to the examples described below, I don’t recommend someone new be added to the bedroom mix.
A cheating Partner who won’t stop cheating
An abusive partner who puts you down
Controlling
Manipulative
Narcissistic
A threesome is for couples who have a mutual interest in pleasing multiple people at once, have a healthy relationship, effectively communicate, and trust one another. This is not a magic solution or a fixer upper for toxic relationships. If your relationship has any kind of strain whether its emotional, physical, or financial that has you all not seeing eye to eye these days, you may want to resolve any residual issues before you add some more fuel to the fire.
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07/22/2023
