Way To Ask Someone To Join You And Your Partner For A Threesome
Asking someone to join you and your partner can be pretty out of the ordinary and wild! How do you ask someone, “Hey! do you want to have sex with me and my partner?” Some people get offended, some may laugh it off, some are just down right like “Ummmm….Did I just get asked for a threesome?” and simply don’t know how to process being asked this question, especially if they’ve never been asked before. You’re obviously in your head about this situation, hence why you’re here reading up on how to ask so let’s go where the wild things are and explore how to ask someone this question!
Talk With Your Partner
First things first, you and your partner need to have the conversation with one another to see how you both feel about threesomes. Are you all doing this because it’s a saving grace for your relationship? Or are you both in a healthy, loving, relationship and simply want to add a little spice? Hopefully your relationship looks like the second option. If this is a saving grace, you should not be considering a threesome, but getting your relationship in a better space instead. Discuss the boundaries with this potential threesome. What does your partner feel comfortable with you doing or not doing with this person? If that special move they do to you in the bedroom is not preferred on the bonus bedroom friend then it’s simple, that move is off limits. No oral? Got it! but you won’t know until you discuss it. If you get in the moment and things change with verbal consent then go for it, but see how talking about these things make you feel once you envision them. If there’s any hesitation or resistance at all be open and honest with your partner even if you said yes prior. Never force yourself into something you are not not 100% sure about. If you both have a sound yes, continue with the next steps.
Choose The DT
We’ve all heard of a DD, designated driver, when we go out drinking with our friends but a DT is the designated talker. Between you and your partner, who is the one who is most comfortable having uncomfortable conversations? This isn’t your every day question, you’re not asking someone what’s their favorite color. And let’s be honest, most people fear rejection. You’re already in a relationship with the person who is sure about you, so it may cause slight anxiety having to be put back in position of seeing if someone is interested in you. Have a conversation with your partner and determine who will be the one to ask.
Asking A Friend
If this is not a mutual friend between both you and your partner, the person who’s friend it is should be the one to ask. They’re most comfortable with this person and after all, you want your new bedroom friend to be comfortable. Here are some ways to ask your friend for a threesome:
Take them to dinner - Not with your partner, you don’t want this to feel like an interrogation. Go out with your friend like you always do! If you take someone out for food, drinks, and conversation it may take the edge off. Go in with an open mind and be optimistic! Do a little planning and find something else to talk about in case they say no so you all aren’t sitting there with this awkward feeling trying to force down the rest of dinner and drinks.
Write A Note - Okay so this one may be a little old school for some but it’s cute! Write your friend a letter, or type it if you’re afraid they will know your handwriting, from a secret admirer and hand it to them. Tell them that someone in you all’s circle wanted to anonymously give them this message. Make it cute and fun. Write what you and your partner admire about them and what drew both of you to them in the first place. After your friend reads the note, discuss how they feel about it and have a conversation about their thoughts regarding threesomes. That way if they’re like “Heck no! I don’t do threesomes” your cover isn’t blown.
Have A Gathering At Your Place- Invite a few friends over for drinks, food, and games and play some adult games such as adult truth or dare, A sexy dance off, or any game that brings out the inner sexy. If someone isn’t interested in you, most of the time you can read the room and tell. Who knows, maybe that dance off could get a little steamy, leading you and your friend to share a different intimate space.
Just Flat Out Ask - Okay enough of the games, and hints, maybe you’re a very direct person and that works as well. Asking over a phone call, via text, or in person all works too. The verbiage is totally up to you!
Asking Someone New
Maybe you and your partner are out at an event or gathering and someone catches both of you all’s attention. Or you’re at a lifestyle party and you haven’t quite become comfortable asking someone to join you and your partner just yet. Let’s explore what that looks like together
Buy them a drink - Now I’m not saying that just because you buy someone a drink they owe you conversation, but it will make them curious as to who bought them a drink and why. If the setup is like the movies and the bartender drops the info on who bought the drink and eye contact is made, start with an introduction and go from there.
Send A Message/DM - This is only for the inquiry. I don’t advise sending a message and then going straight into the bedroom without getting a feel for this person first. You won’t know if you and your partner can score if you don’t shoot the shot. Once you make the interest known, set up a meeting which leads me to the next point.
Setup A Time To Hangout - Once you have spiked your new potential bedroom buddy’s interest, setup a time to grab drinks or food where you can sit down and talk. Either you or your partner needs to do the meetup, not both. You don’t want this new person to feel outnumbered or uncomfortable. They may not be able to focus on getting to know you if they can’t tell if they’re about to be kidnapped or interrogated. It doesn’t have to be formal like an official date, but you do want to get some type of vibe from this person. If you saw them online , do they really look like that in person? How is their hygiene? Is their phone blowing up from a suspected partner? Are there any signs of substance abuse? You can’t know everything from one meeting but you can gather enough information to know if you and your partner want to proceed. Maybe you met them at an event and it was noisy so you didn’t have a quiet place to talk and this is that time. Maybe the lights were dim and you realize that with the lights on, and a little less alcohol, you don’t like the way they look after all. Also, be transparent about the meeting and what made you want to hangout in the first place. You don’t want them thinking that you’re single and into them on a solo mission just to later spring onto them, “Hey I want you to join me and my partner in the bedroom later”. Or worse, they look you up on social media, see you’re public relationship and make you out to be a liar in their mind when it’s not like that. Go back and talk with your partner about the meetup and trust each other through the process if choosing to continue.
Tips & Pointers:
Don’t be aggressive. If they say no, then that’s simply what it means.
You may get rejected. The late singer, Aaliyah once said “And if at first, you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.” If you get rejected, move through the feelings of rejections and go on. You won’t always get a yes and that’s with anything in life.
Don’t be manipulative. When your partner gets home from work, don’t have someone new laying up in your home trying to force a threesome.
Be very honest about the terms and boundaries of you and your partner’s relationship. If said person says yes, they need to understand that this is sex and nothing more unless all parties involved discuss otherwise. Whatever the terms of you and your partner are, they need to adhere too.
If someone is flirting with you or your partner, unaware that you are both in a relationship with one another, once things start to get to a certain point and they let you know they’re interested, simply let them know how you and your partner operate. Saying something like “I can have sex with you, but me and my partner are a package deal and we do threesomes so if you want to have sex with me, this is what that would look like.” Their response will determine if you want to go forward or not. If they cannot respect your decision and continue to push for sex with you or your partner solo, that’s the signal to back off.
You know your partner best. If their body language changes or they appear to be getting jealous, do not try to continue or force the issue. Speak to your partner’s feelings and make sure you are both on the same page. What most people don’t tell you about threesomes is the level of trust and communication that is needed between partners. It’s not always a one and done conversation, and sometimes it is. It depends on the dynamic of your relationship. If the conversation needs to be revisited daily and your partner’s feelings need to be reassured that may be a tall tale sign that they’re not 100% ready. It could also could just be curiosity. That is for you and your partner to work through but pay attention to them and don’t get so wrapped up in the excitement and fantasy that you overlook what’s right in front of you.
If there are any other topics you would like advice upon regarding sex or body positivity, head over to the “contact us” page and send in an email!
07/22/2023
